When the honeymoon is rich and full
And the planet stops revolving
When all your cares cease to be
What's left is fucking boring

Maybe it's those black thick-rimmed glasses
Or the blue hue from the hotel TV
But, you looked good tonight
Like deep, deep pockets, or sunshine

You know I'm not one for platitudes
And idioms exhaust me,
But I'm sick and tired
So, if a couple slip by me,
And you're keeping score
Well, then you can to remind me

That matching rhymes are lazy
But my meter is drifting and you'd rather just be at the beach
Yeah, that matching lines are lazy
But my meter is drifting and you'd rather just be at the beach

You’ve got those big, big, brown eyes
that need clear eyes for clearing up
and I’m all out of Visine
but if you want the blunts then I’ve got the stuff
You know how they say you can smoke yourself sober?
Well, I’ve been practicing for years,
I think we're getting closer

Like every burnout kid
Just killing time in Ipswich
Picking up bad habits
Like acid, sex, or arson
When they should have just gone to college
But the faculty forgot them
You can hear them in the bathroom
I swear to god, that place is haunted

I swear to god, you always do this
When’d you become so selfish?
You say you just don't trust him
That's there's just something about him
But, if you don't know him, then you don't know,
and you don't know you’re sorry
How could you possibly form an opinion of someone you only met once at a party?

But, if you can take up shields and spears
and longswords and bows
then I can brandish weapons, too
Your anxieties and woes
We'll get your big, big break
at this rate, something has to
and if you haven't figured it out, by now
I don't think that I want to tell you

But, I'll still be waiting
I'll still be waiting for you to come save me
Like I'm waiting for your kiss
Like I'm waiting to exist
But I'm somewhere like Wichita
And you're someplace somewhere in Hell
like you'll always be
I think I'm supposed to be waiting for someone else


If I had a time machine,
I could fix everything.
There'd be no more war,
no more hunger,
no more 24 hour news.
I'd never get that parking ticket,
or, live in Phoenix,
and question my existence
‘cause I'd have a purpose.
I'd know what my worth was.

Then again, probably not
Then again, I'd probably just fuck it up worse than it was.

I never thought I'd be
Rolling up my sleeves
In the bargain bin at twenty
I could dust myself off
Go get a job
And everything will come up daisies
I could glad hand the yes men.
I could stop watching re-runs.
I could YouTube how to make sushi,
and grow as a person.

I've forgiven loved ones of trespasses, then carried resentment
I've lit a bong with a cigarette on multiple occasions, out of sheer laziness
I've hidden things from potential friends in hopes that they'd like me
And I single-handedly dismantled an elementary school government before I hit puberty

I’m not about to offer a proverb about mistakes made
and the good things mistakes can make in their wake,
If I could do it all again, the truth is, I’d probably do something different,
Because everything I did, I already did, it’s been done, and I’m spoiled
and the scary thing is
I’m probably
always gonna want more


After three days at your place, all I had to show was a rusted four-door rambler dressed in a boot and a bouquet of parking tickets.
Romance is the stiff spots on the futon that we didn't have the patience or care to fold out.
If you counted every brick in Encino, California
you'd still come up short compared to the number of fucks I give
I give, and I give, and you take me for granite
I’m just a statuette lost in your garden
No better than matchbox cars
But at least I can sleep without a signed and framed headshot of Kevin Costner watching over me above my bed
At least I didn't blame my class A drugs on my kid sister's friends
Now she'll never see senior prom
Now she'll never get to fuck Ted
It was gonna be perfect and you ruined it
You're just like your self-absorbed mother
Except I think she cares what people think


We always said things would be different--
"Once we get out of college..."
"Once we get our own apartment..."
We could both get grown up haircuts
And play sudoku
And spend our Sundays running errands

There’s putting the cart before the horse
Then there's hanging reins on a horse that was stillborn
There’s a ray of hope
There's a life raft around the throat of a corpse
And an armchair knowledge of freshman lit
Doesn't give you the right to use that down your nose tone
I've been waiting for Godot since the day I was born

Guess you know the best.
But, you forget,
that you forget the rest.

We could march in staggered step
holding hands through the darkness of our contempt,
but, within the context of what you've had to offer so far
I’d say it’s for the better if it were separate
And if your taking bets on who can last the longest
I can count my losses
'Cause you’re fucking flawless

Maybe taking the heat for a fifth I didn’t drink
isn’t a covenant wherever you come from, but
Sometimes I’m on a one way bridge
with a cop on my ass after I missed my exit
Trying to flip a bitch without rousing suspicion
you gave me directions
I thought you had this

And before you know it, we'll become nostalgic.
and the memories will be left hidden
inside of a shoebox in the closet.
On a broken cassette tape, reduced to greatest hits.
And I’m stuck with the bits that make me sick
Can you tend a garden without your bullshit?
Can you not commit?
Can you not come in?
Can you not come in?


The last time that I kissed him
I was thinking about how much food I had left in the fridge
And it wasn't him, or his fault at all
I just didn't want to waste my free time shopping
But then he left, and that was it.
And now I'm stuck with twice the rent
A bed too big, and so much cereal
I don't know what to do with it
I don't even eat breakfast
And he has the nerve to call me selfish?
He's the one that wanted to eat out,
Knowing damn well it wasn’t in the budget
and I hate crowds
He listened to music way too loud
Left the door open while he shits
He takes too many naps
recorded over my favorite shows
and looked through my phone
and I fucking hate him
and I miss him
And I fucking hate it
ah, fuck this
I told you that shit in confidence
leave my mother out of it


When I bite the big one
life and time will move on
that's part of the problem problem
I'd've have never let them in
had I known they'd leave
Leave me such a mess
I don't have the tools to
screw my courage to
anything at all
even if I had to
it's all I can do
to hold up the walls

I'm afraid I'll find out I'm a coward
and have wasted my time
wasted, worried that I wasted my time
after two packs
you'd think I’d have some answers
but the black stares back
and if and when the stars fall in line
I'll have waited so long
that I don’t think I’ll notice
so can I bum a light, a smoke, some time, a shoulder
a motive, a reason to try
or prescription that makes this alright
on the inside
on the inside

Well, he darkens my doorstep again
can't he just wait
’til I finish breakfast
he’s only been gone for a week
the seasons he leaves
getting shorter and shorter between
I can’t keep him at bay
and I can't make sense of my senses
when they drift away
every time it’s the same
you’d think that by now
I'd know how to turn him away

He knows that
all that it takes is some twisting to turn me
from washing the dishes
to sifting through Netflix
After too many days
you’d think I’d learn a lesson
but the Big Bad is back
and if and when I do fall in line
I’ll have laid here so long
that my limbs will be useless
so can I get a light, a smoke, some time, a shoulder
a motive, a reason to try
give me something that makes this alright
on the inside
on the inside


I stopped smoking marijuana stopped smoking marijuana
got addicted to chicken pho
now I head to bed before Taco Bell closes
I’m so goddamn grown up

maybe now I could call my mother
someday other than her birthday
start a pension, or exercising,
stop being so dependent
live for someone else,
something bigger than myself

like Hell, I’d tell a friend secrets
that don’t reflect my better sense
God forbid that they’d catch wind
of what I really think
and when the awful truth
decides to bubble to the surface
contest its existence
dress it up in excuses

and let ‘em try
to sift through the pieces
let ‘em try
to piece together meaning
let ‘em try
to think they make a difference
let ‘em try
let ‘em try

I took a sip of liquid courage
you know I never liked the hard stuff
good news the billboard says, says ”don’t be disappointed
the road to happiness, is the first exit on the left"

I nail myself against the cross
need some help to drive the last one
can you swing a hammer with your mouth shut?
at least I’ve got something to fall back on
is that not better off?

not like that time I got so high
I thought I died and gone to Utah
I tried to find my way back home
by sleeping on the futon
not once had I thought of how I got
there in the first place
if I could fix myself
and not be right
well, I'd stay broken

but I tried
to sift through the pieces
and I tried
to find some other meaning
and I tried
to think I make a difference
and I tried
at least a couple times


Say it like you mean it
Say it again with feeling
Say it like you would on rooftops
Like you’ve got a pair of lungs that won’t give up


When I finally get steady
and back on my feet
and I convince me to come back to the party
I should probably keep my mouth shut
It would be best to keep it empty
'cause the things that I've been thinking
aren't fit for company
and I don't think they could handle it
if they could
I'd just be bitter
cause I can't

so don't you dare diminish it
and label it self pity
cause I've been there before
and this is different scenery

trees have fallen in the driveway
the alley's overrun with weeds
and I can't take the sidewalk
while the memories flood the streets
there's a little box
that weighed too much
we carried it up the mountain
and we buried it underground
deep as my fingers would allow
there's a hole it left uncovered
and I can't dig it out
now the sound that parted clouds
only brings me down

so it goes...
until it won't


I'm a Marlboro man without the cowboy hat.
I'm a charlatan without the bag of tricks.
I'm wear for the worst, and better than most,
a restless soul with no place to go,
I'm shelter in bad weather.
I don't think so…
I'm the fucking storm.

Without within.
Without a doubt.

Without within without,
Oh, I am without within without a doubt.

I'm stuck together like the pages of a Playboy
that I stuffed under my mattress in 1997.
And I date myself with references
that came before the internet.
A self-emptying prophecy, a real romantic comedy
starring me and myself as star crossed lovers in the leads,
with a cliché happy ending too explicit for TV.
And I’m always going to be
a self-indulging, self-loathing, self-helping, self-hurting,
barely me human being.

So I cover it up
with opinions of
the things I like to love
like paintings, television
or fucking with the lights on
food, my dogs, or songs
long drives with that special someone
talking about nothing
and eventually no one can see
what's buried underneath
not even me
and I can sleep


Hey, it's me.

I think that the two years needs, at least, a carefully worded plea...

That brings me to this voicemail-- a fool's run to sum up the greatest thing that I've ever been a part of-- I'll try to refrain from sentiment, to stay on track, and authentic. No promises.

You can brighten any room-- heighten the moods of those around you with barely a move. When your face lights up. I'm reminded that life just might have a bright side.

That's not something I can give back--
not in a well rehearsed phone call. Or painting, or sonnet, or a John Cusack-ian rain-soaked run to the airport. I'm destined to fall short.

Okay, so I might be on the verge of sentiment... Let me rein it in a bit... You've got the sweetest pair of tits. And that's no rock fact. That’s a fact fact.

I can't imagine a life without you, and I don't want to. All sappiness aside, you’re the best thing I've had to call mine. I could go on about your qualities. But that seemed cheap, and could never quite convey just what you mean to me.

I love you, sure as I am of anything, I do.

So please come back.